cmo/open post

[kuwata]

【the ❝CALL ME OUT❞ meme】
a roleplay meme to inspire muses.

♛ refer to the list above for active muses. also, feel free to ask for anyone from my very messy, outdated muselist that's not listed here; i'll probably play most anyone that's not under retired or the umineko category bc god that's gonna take a long time to canon review for. bear in mind, voices will be extremely shaky! ♛ post "calling" one of them out — you can do so by putting their name in the subject line! ♛ can be informal/formal/comment spam/crosscanon/explicit/whatever tickles your fancy! ♛ feel free to make up a scenario at the start, or wait to see where things go. alternatively, if you'd like me to start, then post a top-level and lmk! meme code.

Comments

[chouxpreme]

[ Ruruka freezes at the question, eyes widening for just a moment before they narrow again, but it's evident that the question took her aback. Did Seiko truly believe that she didn't trust her...? Despite herself, she can't help but feel offended at the accusation. They had once been friends, after all; and because they were friends, Ruruka trusted her - admittedly, not to the extent that she trusted Izayoi, and that was something she wasn't ashamed to admit, but Izayoi had always been on a different tier because he was her boyfriend. Seiko was her friend, and despite the fact that the girl would never eat her sweets, she still at least tried to have some degree of trust in the girl as to not betray that friendship.

"You were my hero, Seiko-chan. You could do anything, and you did anything I wanted. I trusted you."

"I don't want to betray you because you trust me."

"I asked for your help because I trusted you."

"I asked Seiko-chan for so much because I trusted her."

It made her happy to have someone that she could rely on. A person that she could call her friend. While she depended on Izayoi for mostly everything, there were some things that even he could not do; and though he gave her everything in his ability to give - protecting her, eating her sweets, providing her affection - it was nice to have someone else that she could also depend on. Ruruka never once stopped to consider that anything was wrong with the way her and Seiko's friendship functioned; after all, the girl said that she would do anything she asked, and so she grew to depend on Seiko, supplying her with favor after favor.

Wasn't that what she wanted? Didn't she want people to rely on her? With a talent like that, there was no way that one wouldn't want people to depend on her and to ask her for things. Izayoi was like that - willing to do anything that Ruruka asked, happy that she trusted and depended on him so heavily. Ruruka felt that same sense of joy and pride whenever she could feed him her sweets, whenever she heard him call them "dewicious," but ultimately her ability was limited. Seiko was different, though; there was so much that she could do, so why was she upset...? Didn't she know what Ruruka would give to have a talent like hers? So to accuse her of not trusting her when she did, so much that she looked up to her...

Ruruka grits her teeth and clenches her fists at her sides, her former listlessness being replaced by a surge of anger and frustration. The emotion is so strong that she almost jumps up onto her feet, almost storms over to Seiko, almost threatening to do something, but she doesn't. Not yet, at least. She just remains where she sits against the wall, but she sits up straighter than she did before, her glare more intense. ]

Don't you dare try and blame this on me! I'm not the one who betrayed your trust; you betrayed mine! Of course I trusted you! I thought we were friends, but you proved me wrong by screwing me over at the exams with that damn drug! Because of you, I got expelled from Hope's Peak; Yoi-chan got expelled from Hope's Peak! Do you know how embarrassing that is to have that reputation?! We lost everything! You don't know how hard it's been for me and Yoi-chan and how much you put us through! We were your friends! Did you really hate us that much that you wanted us to fail? That you'd sabotage everything we worked so hard for?!

[ She pauses, just enough to catch her breath, not aware that she had worked herself up to the point where she was breathing heavily. She scoffs and turns her head away, hugging herself close again and muttering under her breath: ]

...Well, not everyone is as lucky to have a talent like yours.

[helpsthemedicinegodown]

[Perhaps at one point there had been trust, way back at the beginning when they were children and far too young and innocent to know the art of deceit and misuse. But as they aged, and despite maturing to supposedly know better, Kimura was quite certain that everything had began to rot from the inside out. Oh sure, Ruruka had kept her around, but only because she was so useful. Whenever they met, especially after getting into Hope's Peak, it always involved the confectioner asking for something. There was barely a word of thanks, hardly a trace of any gesture of friendship in return. Was she being selfish, was that asking too much? A little give and take rather than just being called a friend when it suited the other girl to do so? Maybe she should have voiced those desires, but she doubted it would have made that much of a difference in the long run, when the decay had already long set in.]

[As for her talent, a desire for people to admire and rely on it, that was an entirely different raw nerve, especially in the light of the way things had turned out during the game. She had to shake off the memories, the faces that floated to the forefront of her mind, pale and lifeless because she had failed to do anything in time, even though her talent should surely have been enough to make a difference. What was there to be proud of when she kept letting others down?]

[Fortunately before that overwhelming regret can claim her thoughts once more, Ruruka's outburst in response to her words proved a good distraction. Amazing really, just when she thought she had exhausted all the rage within her, the other girl was still able to make her skin prickle with frustration and anger.]

Then why was it so easy then? Why was it so easy for you to believe I did something like that, as if there was no doubt of my guilt? You never considered any other possibility, you didn't even try to listen to what I had to say, because you were too busy blaming me for everything!

[She might not have been able to explain exactly what had occurred, only having vague guesses upon replaying events in her mind again and again over the years, but whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty? From the way that day unfolded, Ruruka and Izayoi had been ready to sling a noose around her neck that instant. Her classmates, her friends, immediately believed her to be guilty without question. Even now the confectioner ranted on and on like it was fact, that there was no other explanation, and yet didn't understand how much that hurt Seiko to hear. Still, she tried her best to not let it show, gaze fixed and steely as her stare burns into Ruruka, regardless of if she returned the eye contact or not.]

I have nothing to gain from lying to you, so for once, just once, listen carefully. I. Didn't. Tamper. With. Anything!

[As if it mattered, as if she would be believed. And yet, she still wasted her breath saying it. Maybe just for closure since she was denied the chance all those years ago, the chance to finally let it all out and release the weight that had been holding her down for so long.]

Don't act like you were the only ones who got expelled. I lost everything too, but you still faired better. You and Izayoi...at least you had each other, you weren't...alone.

[Sure she had been saved by Munakata and the others, and she respected and admired the older graduates, but it wasn't the same. They were her superiors, colleagues, not her friends. Seiko had never known that closeness before meeting Ruruka, and had never known it again since their falling out. Burying herself in work, in the fight against despair only killed so much time, and as much as she denied it, a part of her still craved that companionship again, even with all the resentment and anger inside. Why else had she kept a stale piece of candy for so many years in her pocket?]

[Before she could wallow in that misery for too long however, she caught the near inaudible murmurs, not really understanding what had been said, looking perplexed.] ...what?

[chouxpreme]

Ngh... [ Ruruka bristles defensively at Seiko's question and the confusion on her face, not at all expecting for the girl to have heard her. Even if Seiko hadn't heard what she had said, the fact that she had heard her mumble something puts Ruruka in a tight corner that she would prefer not to be in. It would mean that she would have to confess what it was she had said, which was damaging to her pride. After all, it had been childish, in retrospect, to be so jealous of someone that she had once considered a friend to the point it had transformed into hatred and resentment that swallowed her entire being, and the thought of Seiko knowing that she had envied her in the first place was too embarrassing in and of itself. Therefore, she does her best not to convey her nervousness, even if her voice betrays her by sounding unconvincing. ] N-Nothing...how about you just mind your own damn business?

[ It wasn't her finest line, but as far as Ruruka was concerned, it was better than being honest with her feelings. Even if she mostly confided in Izayoi and allowed him to see the weaker side of her, there were some things that even she couldn't trust him with, preferring to keep them bottled up inside of her; but this was Kimura she was talking to, so she would continue to keep them bottled up inside of her. She would keep her secrets, even if they had gradually developed into overwhelming despair that eventually drove her to do what she had done to herself.

...Not like she'd ever tell anyone who, if at all, might appear here later about that either - least of all Kimura. After a moment of silence, she gives a heavy sigh, rolling her eyes. ]

But fine, I'll humor you for a bit. It's not like I have anything else to do. If you didn't "tamper with anything" like you claim, then how the hell do you explain everything that happened at the practical exam? ...Well? I'm listening. That's what you wanted, right? For me to listen to you? Though, I doubt you even can explain it. After all, I got the exact drug you told me to, and let's not forget that those bombs were found in your bag. ...I bet that dog was your doing, too.

[ In her eyes, the evidence was fully stacked against Seiko. Of course she would believe that everything that transpired that day was the girl's fault. She didn't want to believe it, but the proof was right there in front of her. What else was she supposed to think upon seeing that? She couldn't exactly think that the girl meant no ill will towards her when she had never once felt confident about the validity of their friendship.

She couldn't deny her other words, however. What made her expulsion and the hardship that followed easier was the fact that she hadn't been alone - that she had Izayoi around to rely on. For as long as she could remember, she had never been alone; he had always been around, which was why it hurt so much to be alone now. Was this karmic retribution? She knew she didn't deserve to see him again, to be reunited with him, because of what she had done to him, but it didn't make her want that to happen any less. She would give anything to see him again, to have him at her side.

To not be alone.

If Seiko only knew how alone Ruruka felt right now, but if she admitted that, she would be showing weakness; so she doesn't, but she can't entirely mask her discomfort. ]

Oh, please. Don't give me that line. You weren't truly alone - you had the vice-chairman and his lackeys on your side. Did you really think I would forget you telling me that?

[helpsthemedicinegodown]

[Despite quirking a brow at the sudden defensive behavior, Seiko chose to let that one slide. What did it matter to her anyway? Ruruka wouldn't budge, she knew that much, so it was a waste of time trying to pry regarding what she was muttered. She didn't even make another remark, just shaking her head and leaving it at that. So what if she was a little curious? There were bigger matters at hand, and even if they had all the time in the world to waste in this place, dealing with the confectioners drama and whatever issues she had was not really her problem. Even when they had been friends and she might have tried to assist, hindsight told her it would be a wasted effort. Ruruka had proved she was unwilling to change, to truly trust her and let her in, so why bother when she would just get it thrown back in her face?]

[Then again, she was letting her have the floor, for once, to give her explanation of the whole mess at the exams. Truthfully, she knew she couldn't explain it entirely, and even in going over the events and repeating over and over in her head all these years just what she wanted to say to her former friend, there were still questions. They would never likely get the answers now, and Kimura knew great length and detail or any degree of speculation would do her no favors here. She would just have to speak plainly about what she knew for certain. Ruruka's mind would not likely change, but at least she could have some closure by getting to say her piece.]

I ran into another student before the exam, and I dropped my bag. So did he, I guess...we switched, he got my medicines instead, I got the detonator. He was the same one who was in the chemistry lab the day before too, collecting a laxative. He later became one of the Remnants of Despair. Yukizome-san never did tell me exactly what happened and why, but he suspended the same day we were expelled.

[No way that could that be a coincidence, and while she understood Yukizome still having the desire to protect the students she cherished so much, it still stung. To think, even before the Tragedy he was able to cause such misery.]

[Speaking of which, while she did bristle at the insulting way Ruruka talked about their upperclassman, she simply glared rather than speaking up. She really didn't understand what there was about Munakata and the others that bothered the other girl so much, and quite frankly she didn't want to know. It probably wasn't a good reason anyway. Ruruka just did what she liked, and treated everyone else besides Izayoi as an enemy from what she could tell, having faith in no one. The other branch heads didn't bow to her desires and whims the way her boyfriend did, especially not the vice chairman, but to still try and have him killed, trying to make her do it so her pretty little hands didn't get dirty, it only added to Kimura's disdain.]

[Even so, with all that said, there was no point in her not being honest in her reply.]

It wasn't the same. They were my superiors, I respected them, and was grateful for what they did for me, but...it wasn't friendship.

['It wasn't what we used to have.' A thought she was definitely keeping to herself for now.]

[chouxpreme]

A-Another student...?

[ It's been years since that incident, years that she had simply deemed Seiko as the culprit and broke off their friendship, years that she had been certain she was right, years that the possibility of someone else being the cause of their rift had never come to mind, and now...the introduction of the idea that she had possibly been wrong this entire time, that it truly had been someone else and not her former friend, comes to her as a shock. She can't help but feel sick to her stomach, because...if Seiko truly was right, then that meant her treatment towards her had been entirely misplaced. It's selfish of her, she knows, but she can only hope that what Seiko's saying isn't true; if not, then she would feel even worse about the way things ended between them than she already does.

But she remembers. Vaguely, but she does remember that day before the exam when she had went to the lab to ask for Seiko's reanimator, right when she was about to enter the room to retrieve the drug in particular. She had been surprised, briefly, not at all expecting anyone else to have been in there since it had only been the three of them. Then, Izayoi had pulled his kunai on him, threatening him like he always did with anyone he didn't recognize within her proximity, and she had merrily skipped inside to get the drug - back shelf, on the left-hand side of the top row, just like Seiko told her.

If he had been in there to get a laxative, then...was it possible that he had gotten the one that was meant for her? To know that, she would have to ask precisely where the laxative was located...but she doesn't ask, out of fear that everything she's believed would come crashing down around her. That, for the first time in her life, she had been wrong. No...no, she was never wrong. At least, that's what she believed - Izayoi always agreed with everything she said, so it was easy to believe she was right when she always had someone backing her up. ]

Ngh...of course it was a Remnant of Despair who brought those bombs. [ It's both a realization for herself as well as a reluctant admission; she'll at least concede about the bombs, because it wasn't as if the bombs were a direct threat towards her. She doesn't acknowledge the part about the chemistry lab just yet. ] Hmph, all the more reason why Naegi Makoto should have been executed for his treason against the Future Foundation by aiding and abetting those murderers.

[ Even now, she was shifting the blame to someone else instead of acknowledging her wrongdoings. ]

Then, fine...I'll admit the bombs weren't yours. I should've known that from the beginning - something like that is beyond even your ability.

[ ...It's the closest to "I'm sorry" that she'll ever say, and even if she is masking it behind an insult, it's still embarrassing. ]

Still, that should have been enough. You had the vice-chairman, of all people, backing you, and he doesn't care about anyone but himself.

[helpsthemedicinegodown]

[Truth be told she had no idea what to expect, what the outcome would be as she spilled all of those facts, watching as Ruruka listened and mulled them over, her expression restrained with only slight inflections of wavering. Perhaps she shouldn't have been all that shocked that this wasn't a gushy, tearful reconciliation, such things never suited the confectioner. Even with her own boyfriend Seiko had seen the girl let the mask drop, though she supposed she had no idea if it ever slipped when no one else was looking besides Izayoi. Was it really any wonder even now the word 'sorry' was not being brought into conversation, even if a mistake had been found?]

[Then again, that was perhaps part of the problem to begin with. Ruruka had never trusted her enough to show any weakness. Did she think she would be judged by the pharmacist, belittled? Did she have so little faith in her supposed best friend that she didn't expect support and understanding? Of course Seiko had no idea that her own talent had done such a number on the others girls self confidence, and so could not fathom why she would close off so much from her, even when they had been on good terms.]

[Still, she let her go on her little tangent, gaze narrowing but not interrupting or bringing up an argument. It was progress after all, and besides that she really didn't want to get tangled up in a messy discussion about Naegi Makoto's guilt when there was no way they'd ever get real answers. One dangerous debate was enough at a time, and they couldn't very well impact what was now a world, a life behind them. But, as they were stuck together anyway, it seemed reasonable to at least try and hash out, if only to kill time and get some things they had been burdened with. And so far they had addressed some issues, albeit with some sugary sidestepping of blame, but by now Seiko was tired enough to take whatever she could get.]

We can agree on that much.

[As if she would ever do something to hurt innocent people, let alone Ruruka! Really, how could she had thought so badly of her?! And on top of that, how could she not see how her relationship with their superiors was not really what she was looking for? After all, all she had really wanted was...]

I didn't need someone 'backing me'. I needed a friend...I needed my best friend.

[chouxpreme]

[ "Best friend." It's a phrase that shouldn't affect her, a phrase that should mean nothing coming from the person she despised, but...it does. It stings, and it resurfaces that lingering guilt, rueful thoughts flood in her mind wondering what went wrong between them, and why...? Why did everything have to go wrong? Why couldn't they go back to the old days where they were young and happy and friends...?

She remembers the day that they first met. That cold, rainy day that had marked the start of their friendship. She was so impressed when she saw Seiko's medicine at work for the first time, and even if she hadn't been able to save both dogs, it didn't matter to Ruruka. Just the fact that she was able to save one and return it from the brink of death had been all it took for her to admire the girl, to call her a friend. She had even made it official by giving her one of her candies - a ritual she had, until that moment, shared with only one person.

But then, she had found out that her friend couldn't enjoy her sweets. She remembers that day, too - she had been sitting on a park bench with Izayoi's head resting in her lap like always when she had spotted the girl foraging around for something, and her eyes lit up when she saw her again that she invited her over to join them in eating her treats...and then, Seiko told her that she couldn't have sugar. It was a reason that Ruruka understood, but it didn't mean it hurt any less to know that her friend couldn't indulge in her pride and joy, in the one thing she was able to do. She had felt saddened, but then Seiko had promised her that in exchange she would fulfill any request she had, and at the time Ruruka thought it was a fair exchange.

So, where did it go wrong...? The event at the exams had only been the final piece to the puzzle; it couldn't nearly have been the catalyst for their ruinous friendship. It was just an out for both of them, something that allowed them to walk away, but for what? To hold a bitter grudge against each other for the rest of their days? Or would it have been better for them to remain friends? No matter how many ways she looked at it, it seemed that neither possibility would yield in a positive outcome, and Ruruka just didn't know why everything went sour.

...Well, that was a lie. She knew why. It was just she never wanted to admit it to herself until now, where she had no other choice but to face her problems head on. Perhaps that was the reason she was here with Seiko, and not Izayoi. There was no running away from her guilt because Seiko would not absolve her of her blame like Izayoi did; Seiko would not enable her behavior and forgive her for doing things she knew was morally wrong and tell her it was okay.

And...maybe that was just what she needed. Maybe she did need to come to terms with what she had done, rather than suppressing her emotions to the point where they had become her own undoing. Maybe someone like her couldn't find redemption, but maybe she could find some semblance of peace. ]

...Well, what about me? What did you think I needed?

[ The question is low and sounds like she's gritting it through her teeth, but she at least makes it audible enough. ]

...It's not like I wanted things to go wrong between us either. I thought of you as my best friend, too, you know! I was happy just being able to rely on you! You would always do anything I asked, but I could never do anything in return for you!

[ She pauses with a shaky breath. She's never opened up about her inhibitions before, and the fact that she's finally revealing them to Seiko makes it even harder for her. ]

The only thing I can do is bake sweets...but you would never eat anything I made! You refused to acknowledge the only thing I was good at! How do you think that made me feel?! You never once considered how I felt every time you refused my sweets!

[helpsthemedicinegodown]

[No matter how far she had believed she had come, no matter how deeply she had tried to bury all that had reminded her of those that betrayed her, Seiko found she could not let those first two meetings go. They had haunted her, right until her dying breath, the last flickering memory that she had desperately wanted to take refuge in as she sank into despair. The good and the bad had become meshed and muddled, leaving her unable to distinguish what it meant to her anymore.]

[She was tired, so tired of all of it, the bickering and the fighting and the way the old wounds never seemed to close. At one point she had blamed the two of them, constantly coming back into her life to tear the stitches open and make her suffer just when she was within reach of letting go. That was a lie though; they had never truly healed. The cuts had dug deeper and deeper over the years when their friendship became corrupted, the exam just being the final stab that had left them open, gaping and oozing. And that is how they had remained for all those years. Even with all her skill and talent, it had been an ailment she had never been able to treat. She had just allowed herself to numb and ignore it, until the game had started, forcing her to acknowledge every thrumming beat of pain in one manic outburst and a possible overdose of enhancement pills.]

[Now though, surely she was spent, and wouldn't be able to feel anything else. She was dead after all. However, hearing Ruruka speak up, a look of genuine disbelief and shock appeared in her eyes. She had felt...because she couldn't...what?]

You didn't need to. [The words left her without a second thought or pause, perhaps more open and vulnerable than she should have allowed, but she couldn't help it. She was sure it had been apparent she had never asked for anything because she was content as things were, so why feel bad about it? After all, there was truly only one thing she had desired, and that wish had been granted the instant the other girl had spoken up to her on that rainy day, and then again on that park bench.] You were my friend, that was all I ever wanted from you, I didn't need you to do anything else. I just...wanted to be friends with you. I thought you understood that-...

[Apparently not, but before she found herself able to go further, the confectioner rambled on, halting her mid sentence, mid thought. All those little sprouts of concern began to wither once more. She just had to bring that up didn't she? She always did. Was it to make her feel bad? Some sort of punishment? Of course she knew how unfair it all was, and for a long time she regretted being forced to deny Ruruka what she desired more than anything, hence why she worked twice as hard with ever other request. It seemed so obvious, and in truth she might have been able to accept this as a mistake on her part, except for the circumstances that prevented such a thing. She knew, they both did, why she had always refused the sweets. Kimura had always been honest about that, it was out of her control. And yet Ruruka had the gall to act as if she had been acting out of spite!]

I told you...over and over and over, how many times do I have to say it?! I didn't have a choice! ! couldn't eat them! I would have died! Don't you think I would have eaten them if I had been able to?!

[It was unclear when and how she had managed too get back up on her feet, stepping forward and baring down on her old classmate, one fist clenched as the other went to her face. The mask was stifling, she needed to pull it down, baring her teeth in a scowl while the mental wire and brackets of her braces glinted with menace. She could feel it, just when she was sure all the anger inside had burned out, her dear friend managed to stoke the embers of the dying flame back to life anew. And it hurt, it really hurt, and she intended to make sure Ruruka knew it.]

Or...was that really it? Was that what it would have taken for you to trust me? No matter what I did, not matter how hard I tried to make you happy by doing everything you asked, you'd never be satisfied until I killed myself for you?!

[It had all been futile. She knew that now. It was all in vain, pointless, a waste of time. She had pushed herself so hard, desperately trying to do something, anything that would have earned Ruruka's friendship. Not the fake sugary smile and bubbly little remarks of thanks about how she was the best, an exaggerated put on to wear her down those few times she had resisted, questioned, tried to tell her no. No, she had been waiting for that same look, that same smile and gentle, even kind tone that she knew the girl had once possessed long ago to return. That honest, sincere appreciation as she had declared them friends that day in the park. Comparing her to the bitter, sour person before her now, Kimura had begun to wonder if it had all been in her imagination, if she had built it all up in her mind over the years to mean more than it had to justify her loyalty, to stop herself going mad at the realization she had thrown her life away to a person who never even existed.]

[And yet, even now as she stood there, staring back at the confectioner, burning and angry, she still caught herself scanning the others eyes a flicker of that phantom girl that had once made her so happy by just declaring they were friends. But she was no where to be seen, of course.]

It was never enough, it was never going to be enough was it? No matter what I did...I was just someone you could use.

[chouxpreme]

[ "That's not true," a part of her wants to say, but...even she knows that she can't deny that. Perhaps at one point in time that wasn't true - when they were children whose friendship was pure and untainted - but in their later years, when their friendship grew into something corrupt and unrecognizable, Seiko eventually had become someone that she could use. Where her favors had initially been genuine and a sign of trust for the pharmacist, they had gradually become something that Ruruka took advantage of. Asking Seiko for her medicine had long since stopped eliciting happiness and appreciation from her because she knew that Seiko would always do what she asked; even the resistance the girl would occasionally put up would ultimately turn into submission.

And it just wasn't gratifying at all. Asking Seiko for favors was an entirely different feeling than when she asked Izayoi for favors - perhaps because her relationship with her boyfriend was the give-and-take relationship that she yearned for with Seiko. Any time Izayoi did anything for her, she could always reward him with her sweets - a sign of her gratitude; after all, she put so much time and effort into everything she baked that she felt it was more sufficient than the simple words "thank you" - and to hear his affirmations of how "dewicious" they were and see the radiance of his face, something that only she could detect in his otherwise stoic countenance, as he indulged in them was all that she could ever ask for. That was all she wanted - someone who made her feel like she had worth, someone who made her feel like she had something she could be proud of, someone who would revel in her pride and joy - and no matter how much Seiko gave her, she could never give her the one thing that she longed for. No matter what or how much Ruruka asked her for, it would never fill the void of the only thing she wanted from her friend: assurance.

...Which makes her falter at the girl's question: would Seiko killing herself finally give her what she wanted? She honestly couldn't say. It was a question that made her feel conflicted; on one hand, she would be happy that Seiko at least tried her sweets instead of declining them like always, but on the other hand...she wouldn't want to see her friend die before her eyes. Even when she and Izayoi confronted her that day with the intention to kill her, a part of her didn't want Seiko to die. She didn't wish ill on the pharmacist at all; no matter how much she would berate her and call her a traitor, she always regretted the way that things turned out between them and yearned for everything to return to the way it was when they had been children. ]

Well, there's nothing stopping you now, is there.

[ It's not a question; it's more of an accusation, as if she still thinks that Seiko is fishing for excuses, fabricating reasons to turn down her sweets. It wouldn't be wrong to say that either. In her mind, if Seiko truly would have eaten her sweets if she had the ability, then what better time to prove it than now since they were both dead? This was the moment for Seiko to prove that she had truly considered her a friend like she claimed. She crosses her arms, glaring up at Seiko, unperturbed by the fact that the girl had been yelling at her moments ago. It's a wonder that she's not yelling back, really. ]

You're fully capable of eating my sweets now. Or are you going to blame it on your medicine again? [ Here, she does an impression of Seiko, not at all hiding the fact that she's mocking the girl: ] "O-Oh...I'm so sorry, Ruruka. I-I can't eat your sweets b-because it reacts badly with my medicine...i-if I eat them, I'll die!"

[ She gives an exaggerated sigh and rolls her eyes. ]

Honestly, I'm so sick of hearing that excuse. If you're going to make one up this time to explain why you can't, the least you can do is make it original. [ She scoffs and shakes her head. ] Unless you want to delude yourself into thinking that the dead is capable of having allergic reactions and dying a second time, then be my guest. It wouldn't be the first time you came up with something so far-fetched.

[helpsthemedicinegodown]

[It was to be expected, she should have known it was coming, but the anger bubbled all the same, her mind screamed in frustration and her desire to strike the other down rose once more. She was avoiding the question, refusing to give her a straight answer, then twisting things around and throwing it all back in her face. The arrogance, the taunting of her sincere explanation and lamentation, the inability to just say they had both mistakes, it almost made her reach for a pill bottle again, not that fighting would do them any good now.]

[That being said, she wasn't wrong. There were no longer health reasons barring her from consuming sweets. Unfortunately, it was now something must worse preventing her doing so.]

No. I could... [A moment to breathe, to calm herself, looking for a flash like the awkward school girl who'd just sigh and relent, before disappearing in a flash. The person who stared back at the confectioner was far more sure of herself, regretful but firm.] ...but I don't want to.

[It would be seen as an excuse regardless of what she said, but nevertheless, it was finally time for to actually speak up. Not run away, not ignore the matter or cave it, but to be blunt and honest, even if that meant all but slapping the other Ultimate right across the across the face with words that would undoubtedly sting.]

There's no point. Anything you gave me now...I know it would taste completely sour.

[Her words were sharp, assured and unflinching, and she knew all too well they would hurt Ruruka. However, it was the truth, and her tone told that she took no pleasure in revealing that fact to her. No matter how carefully she might have prepared whatever treat she was still carrying on her now, Seiko knew she would not be able to appreciate it. She could already imagine the void where the sweetness was supposed to be, a stimulation of the taste buds she had never known due to her inability to digest sugar. Instead of the fizzing buzz of a rush, she anticipated a dull tang that would cause her features to scrunch up as she tried to swallow.]

[This was not because of any mistake on the confectioners part on the technical side of her baking, but rather the resounding impact of all that had happened. All the toil, outbursts and blame had left their friendship as little more than a husk, a baked good with no sweetness, light texture or delicious flavor, but something dry and stale that crumbled in your mouth and made you choke. Anything she was given now would be handed to her by a Ruruka that she didn't really know, one that now only offered her something to prove and point and satisfy her own wishes. She had dreamed for a long time about what it would be like if she ever got to experience the taste of sugar and what it could create, and more than anything she had wanted her first bite to be of a treat the person closest to her made, just for her to enjoy.]

[Fortunately, she did have something left by that Ruruka, the Ruruka who had been someone she trusted, the Ruruka who had given her something pure, innocent and brimming over with sweetness born of sugar and wish to forge a friendship that could possibly last forever. And so she pulled out the lone candy from her pocket, the shiny paper still somehow catching the light in a way that looked enticing, even though by now it should have lost all flavor. Yes, a sweet that she had clung on to for well over a decade, even after their falling out, would still contain all the sensations to delight her pallet, of that she was convinced, because it was given to her by her dearest friend who wanted to give a token of fondness to a sad little girl who couldn't stop crying in the rain that day.]

Good thing I kept this then. [This might not have been the assurance Ruruka was expecting, or even what she wanted, but Seiko felt this was the right thing, the best thing she could give the confectioner. This wasn't just about showing her willingness now she was dead, but how she had always been willing, ready and waiting and clutching that piece of candy like something to treasure. Because for her, it was.]

[Her first gift from her first friend, ready for the occasion when she could give the acknowledgement Ruruka wanted so badly, even if in truth she had actually had it all along. It was that candy she wanted to eat first, carefully unwrapping it and bringing it to her lips, unwavering and without hesitation, intending to let it slip into her mouth before the other girl had the chance to say anymore. Regardless of whether or not their friendship could begin anew or be put to rest, it would all end then and there one her mouth closed and she started to chew.]

[chouxpreme]

[ The refusal is something that she both expected and didn't expect. On one hand, it wasn't uncharacteristic for Seiko to refuse her sweets; if she had accepted them, it would have come as a total shock to Ruruka. On the other hand, a part of her had been wishing that this time would be different, that this time she would finally hear her friend agree; after all, Seiko herself had admitted that she now possessed the capability to eat her sweets, and yet she was still rejecting them...?

Ruruka grits her teeth, livid at the girl's insolence; though, in retrospect, she supposes it isn't too surprising. She had always suspected that the girl thought little of her talent, thought of her as inferior, so to her, this was merely a truth that was only now coming to light. Not that it made her any less furious, but she could at least commend Seiko for finally owning up to it instead of hiding behind her excuses. If anything, this made her feel justified in distrusting Seiko, in never truly opening up to her like she would with her boyfriend. If she had, then it would have all been for naught.

Before she can open her mouth to spit back a remark, Seiko says something else that really fuels her the burning flames of her anger. Ruruka goes red in the face, fists clenched tightly in a futile effort to compose herself and restrain herself from spewing venom at the pharmacist. She had never been a physically violent person - her tongue was sharp enough that she never needed to resort to violence, and she had Izayoi to fight in her stead when it truly came down to it - but right now, she wanted nothing more than to grab the girl and...and...

...Well, it wasn't as if insulting the girl's talent like she had done to her would be effective. Seiko actually had a talent that was worthwhile, unlike her, and it was something that she hadn't taken notice of until all three of them had started attending Hope's Peak Academy. Where it had initially been sadness that her friend couldn't partake in her sweets, it quickly developed into an inferiority complex, fueled by Hope's Peak's constant pressures and reminders of the importance of talent. It was the reason why she loathed Hope's Peak Academy just as much as she loathed the Future Foundation - they both were corrupt organizations, and the former was the source of most of her insecurities by its relentless drilling that her talent defined her.

Ruruka had grown to believe that; that was why she spent so much time trying to perfect her pastries, but even then, she never felt confident enough. Why else would she go to Seiko asking her for various drugs that would enhance her sweets and ensure that she passed the practical exams every year? The one and only thing she was good at, she didn't even feel confident about. That was why Seiko's words...stung, and Ruruka didn't know how to feel. She felt angry, undoubtedly, but she also felt the crushing despair of her inhibitions as they resurfaced.

"Why...?" she wants to ask. "Why do you still refuse to eat my sweets?! Why the hell are you acting like this?!" Before she can vocalize such thoughts, however, she hears Seiko speak again, saying something that truly shocks her. Ruruka glances over to see what exactly the "this" that the girl specified was, and when she sees the girl produce the candy that she had given her all those years ago, her eyes widen and she stiffens like a deer in headlights. ] Y-You...You kept it... [ She says it shakily, voice full of incredulity. She had expected the girl to have thrown it away by now - especially after their falling out. It would have made sense if she did. She never expected for her to carry it on her person this entire time.

Then, she sees the girl put it in her mouth. For the very first time, the person she had once considered her dear friend, the person she wanted nothing else from but for her to taste her sweets, was actually eating her candy. Ruruka doesn't know how to respond, sitting there shell-shocked, and if she were alive right now, her heart would be racing inside of her chest. What she feels now is similar to that very feeling: dizzy and breathless. ]

I-I-- I don't-- [ She stammers over her words, and she's certain she sounds like an utter fool compared to the collected persona she usually tries to convey, but she's too bewildered to truly care about saving face right now. ] B-But why... Why, after all this time, would you keep it...? You had every reason to get rid of it, so why didn't you?! I thought you-- I...I don't understand...

[ The very fact that Seiko had kept this piece of candy from their first meeting all this time goes completely against everything that Ruruka had believed about the girl. ]

[helpsthemedicinegodown]

[Naturally the reasons behind her words were not what Ruruka was assuming, but for the moment Seiko remained oblivious to just what was going through the others mind at present. Yes she expected the anger and resentment, but for the confectioner to think of her as arrogant regarding the worth of anothers talent, that would have come as a surprise. Even if the complex was one of Ruruka's own making, the idea that she had contributed to it in any way, even through ignorance or misunderstanding would have hit her hard. She wasn't going to claim that she was blameless in this whole mess, but looking back, she could at least say she tried right? That she did everything possible to make it work? She could at least be confident about that, surely?]

[Then again...no. That was wrong. The fact that she was doing something new now, something she didn't try before when it came to mending the cracks in their relationship before they were beyond repair. That proved she hadn't been open enough, hadn't exhausted every effort, why? Because she was scared? She didn't want to be hurt, betrayed again? She was unwilling to risk her feelings lest she fail, this time unable to put herself back together again into a semi functioning human being? She certainly had made little effort to reach too far since then, connect with people on a deeper level of personal trust. Sure she hadn't been mistreated, used, but was she really any better off? How little she knew that despite her insistence to the contrary, she and Ruruka had turned out more alike through the misunderstanding than she would have cared to admit.]

[Really though, was it truly a surprise anymore? It was pretty much a pattern in her life that she had tried and failed to shake, one blunder after another that had ended up costing her and those around her dearly. She didn't combat the sleeping gas immediately, and when they awoke they found Yukizome killed. She hadn't been perceptive enough to have a full working antidote on hand, and for that error Bandai had died. Hell she couldn't even save both dogs that day in the rain! And now, realizing there had been a way she could have reached her former friend back then that could have prevented everything that had transpired between them since, that was another failure she had to add to the tally. All that supposed effort, wasted. People continuing to breath their last around her, how many could she have prevented? She had this talent, but what good was it if she couldn't save everyone with it?!]

[Ruruka had praised it back then, at least respected it enough to know its use. Why else would she keep asking for those favors? And yet despite that people continued to die around her. Clearly the talent should have gone to someone more capable of using it.]

[Well, it was no good to anyone now. It was gone, and so was she, unable to make any difference, good or bad in the world of the living any longer. Still, here there was something she could do, something she had been unable to back then due to her own fear and foolishness. Whatever the result, she would act on it now, because at least it would make some sort of impact, regardless of whether it was positive or negative. At least then she could say she tried everything, and hoped that it was finally enough.]

[Letting the piece of candy roll around the inside of her mouth, she waited a moment before chewing, trying to assess the flavor. Considering how long she had been carrying it around, you'd think it would have gone stale long ago, that all the taste would have drained out out it with time, leaving it as just a blob of dried out sugar and syrup that would cause issues for the pharmacist later when it got stuck in her braces. But no, that wasn't the case. Maybe it was because Seiko had never consumed anything made from the artificial sweetness before and she simply didn't know any better, but...well, to her it was still as she expected, hoped it to be and more, because the feelings of the person who gave it to her had preserved all the wonderful taste within.]

[Needless to say, she wasn't sure what to expect from the other girls reaction. It was good of course that she didn't need to explain, that she too recognized the candy and it's significance. However, she was still caught off guard by the question. True, she had every reason to throw it away, toss it into a beaker of chemicals and watch it dissolve into nothing, stamp it under her heel with scorn, but she never could. Why? There were lengthy explanations, essays worth of words that she could let spill out to try and explain what she had for so many years not entirely understood herself. And yet, looking at Ruruka's face, the wrapper in her hand, all that came to was that last moment, that last thought before she fell into the depths of despair.]

Because...I just wanted to be friends.

[I acknowledge you. I care about you. I trust you.]

[She had to be careful, she was still eating, and didn't wish to waste even a morsel of the tiny confection, ducking her head to try and focus on the taste on her tongue. So this was candy; bubbling, fizzing sweetness that was like a firecracker going off inside your mouth, the sensation making your tastebuds tingle with warmth. It was bright, sparkling, the flavor of pink cheeks, bright eyes and happy smiles. Love, friendship, hope, all in one mouthful, so overwhelming that she felt her chest might burst! Until it all slowly released, coming back through her throat, filling her mouth and nose, and eventually her eyes to the point were they stung and started to leak, just as she lifted her head to give her verdict.]

It's good...[Her voice was choked now, overcome with sugary warmth as her cheeks grew wet as tears flowed freely, her whole body fizzing. And for the first time in a long while, she found the corners of her lips perking up into a smile.] It tastes...really good Ruruka.

[chouxpreme]

[ "Because...I just wanted to be friends."

Seiko had said something along those lines earlier, but Ruruka had simply dismissed it, thinking it wasn't true. It's only now that she realizes she was mistaken--no, that she had been mistaken this entire time. All this time she harbored misconceptions about their friendship, misconceptions that she allowed to flood her mind and corrupt what had once been a pure, genuine bond into something vile and twisted.

Had she known Seiko carried that piece of candy with her all this time, would things have turned out differently between them...? If she had known that her friend truly did care about her the way that she did in return, would they have remained friends? Would they have remained in Hope's Peak? Even if they were still expelled, at the very least, they would've had each other - her, Seiko, and Izayoi. They had always been a trio ever since they were children, attending the same schools from elementary to high school, and Ruruka had always wanted that to stay the same.

She didn't want either of her dearest persons to ever leave her side, but in the end, she ended up losing them both, didn't she? And she had no one to blame but herself. It was all her fault. She had been so scared of betrayal, of the ones she loved so dearly betraying her, that she had become the traitor instead of them.

All this time she thought Seiko was the traitor, forcing the blame onto her instead of accepting it. She convinced herself that she was guiltless, that everything was Seiko's fault, but she had been wrong this entire time. All this time, she had been the traitor - something she never wanted to accept until now...no, even now it was something that she didn't want to accept, but she had no other choice.

You're the traitor, Ruruka. It's all your fault. You betrayed us.

It was a harsh truth that she couldn't run away from. It was a battle that she couldn't have someone fight in her stead. For the first time in her life, she could do nothing but accept it.

You caused us to die. Why does a filthy traitor like you deserve to live?

She didn't, did she? Why was she the one left alive when neither of them deserved death...? She was a despicable person who committed terrible actions; she was the one who was truly subhuman. And yet...

Do you want to be forgiven? Do you want us to forgive you?

Yes. Yes she did. She wanted nothing more to be forgiven, to have a second chance, to finally be able to make things right when she couldn't before. She'd do anything...

...Then, you know what you must do.

And she did. The knife had dropped, and without even thinking about her actions, she had gripped it, punctured every part of her body that she possibly could while sobbing out apologies, begging for Izayoi and Seiko to forgive her for betraying them, that she never wanted it to end like this and that she was sorry. It hurt...It hurt so much. She couldn't take the pain, yet she couldn't stop until she earned their forgiveness. That's why she inflicted so many wounds on herself, and yet that was still not enough...so she had choked herself on her candies instead, cutting off her air flow to the point she became lightheaded, and allowed herself to suffer until the figments of her best friends were finally satisfied.

We forgive you, Ruruka. It's okay, come join us. We can be together again just like before.

Her hands were wavering as she pointed the dagger towards her heart, but the next line was all she needed to steel herself.

We can be friends again.

Then, she wound up here. It didn't take a genius to piece together what had happened; she had killed herself, wracked with despair, and those very same feelings were crushing her now. Hearing Seiko tell her that her candy was good...that was all she ever wanted, and yet, she couldn't feel happiness from finally hearing what she had been waiting all along for. They only made her feel worse for how terribly she treated the other girl, for all the cruel things she had said to her face, but she knew what she had to do. She may have repented to the imaginary versions of her friends, but she had yet to make it up to the actual ones.

She didn't know if she would ever get the chance to apologize to Izayoi, but at the very least, she was granted the chance to apologize to Seiko. Perhaps that was the true reason that they both were here - for Seiko to tell her the only thing she had wanted to hear all along, and for Ruruka to tell Seiko something that she should have told her a long time ago: an apology. ] K-Kimura... [ She starts, her voice unusually quiet, before she shakes her head, correcting herself: ] ...No. ...S-Seiko-chan. I...

[ She hesitates, taking a deep breath. She's never shown this degree of vulnerability before to anyone but one person, but she can't back down now. ]

...I-I'm sorry.