Seiko had said something along those lines earlier, but Ruruka had simply dismissed it, thinking it wasn't true. It's only now that she realizes she was mistaken--no, that she had been mistaken this entire time. All this time she harbored misconceptions about their friendship, misconceptions that she allowed to flood her mind and corrupt what had once been a pure, genuine bond into something vile and twisted.
Had she known Seiko carried that piece of candy with her all this time, would things have turned out differently between them...? If she had known that her friend truly did care about her the way that she did in return, would they have remained friends? Would they have remained in Hope's Peak? Even if they were still expelled, at the very least, they would've had each other - her, Seiko, and Izayoi. They had always been a trio ever since they were children, attending the same schools from elementary to high school, and Ruruka had always wanted that to stay the same.
She didn't want either of her dearest persons to ever leave her side, but in the end, she ended up losing them both, didn't she? And she had no one to blame but herself. It was all her fault. She had been so scared of betrayal, of the ones she loved so dearly betraying her, that she had become the traitor instead of them.
All this time she thought Seiko was the traitor, forcing the blame onto her instead of accepting it. She convinced herself that she was guiltless, that everything was Seiko's fault, but she had been wrong this entire time. All this time, she had been the traitor - something she never wanted to accept until now...no, even now it was something that she didn't want to accept, but she had no other choice.
You're the traitor, Ruruka. It's all your fault. You betrayed us.
It was a harsh truth that she couldn't run away from. It was a battle that she couldn't have someone fight in her stead. For the first time in her life, she could do nothing but accept it.
You caused us to die. Why does a filthy traitor like you deserve to live?
She didn't, did she? Why was she the one left alive when neither of them deserved death...? She was a despicable person who committed terrible actions; she was the one who was truly subhuman. And yet...
Do you want to be forgiven? Do you want us to forgive you?
Yes. Yes she did. She wanted nothing more to be forgiven, to have a second chance, to finally be able to make things right when she couldn't before. She'd do anything...
...Then, you know what you must do.
And she did. The knife had dropped, and without even thinking about her actions, she had gripped it, punctured every part of her body that she possibly could while sobbing out apologies, begging for Izayoi and Seiko to forgive her for betraying them, that she never wanted it to end like this and that she was sorry. It hurt...It hurt so much. She couldn't take the pain, yet she couldn't stop until she earned their forgiveness. That's why she inflicted so many wounds on herself, and yet that was still not enough...so she had choked herself on her candies instead, cutting off her air flow to the point she became lightheaded, and allowed herself to suffer until the figments of her best friends were finally satisfied.
We forgive you, Ruruka. It's okay, come join us. We can be together again just like before.
Her hands were wavering as she pointed the dagger towards her heart, but the next line was all she needed to steel herself.
We can be friends again.
Then, she wound up here. It didn't take a genius to piece together what had happened; she had killed herself, wracked with despair, and those very same feelings were crushing her now. Hearing Seiko tell her that her candy was good...that was all she ever wanted, and yet, she couldn't feel happiness from finally hearing what she had been waiting all along for. They only made her feel worse for how terribly she treated the other girl, for all the cruel things she had said to her face, but she knew what she had to do. She may have repented to the imaginary versions of her friends, but she had yet to make it up to the actual ones.
She didn't know if she would ever get the chance to apologize to Izayoi, but at the very least, she was granted the chance to apologize to Seiko. Perhaps that was the true reason that they both were here - for Seiko to tell her the only thing she had wanted to hear all along, and for Ruruka to tell Seiko something that she should have told her a long time ago: an apology. ] K-Kimura... [ She starts, her voice unusually quiet, before she shakes her head, correcting herself: ] ...No. ...S-Seiko-chan. I...
[ She hesitates, taking a deep breath. She's never shown this degree of vulnerability before to anyone but one person, but she can't back down now. ]
no subject
Seiko had said something along those lines earlier, but Ruruka had simply dismissed it, thinking it wasn't true. It's only now that she realizes she was mistaken--no, that she had been mistaken this entire time. All this time she harbored misconceptions about their friendship, misconceptions that she allowed to flood her mind and corrupt what had once been a pure, genuine bond into something vile and twisted.
Had she known Seiko carried that piece of candy with her all this time, would things have turned out differently between them...? If she had known that her friend truly did care about her the way that she did in return, would they have remained friends? Would they have remained in Hope's Peak? Even if they were still expelled, at the very least, they would've had each other - her, Seiko, and Izayoi. They had always been a trio ever since they were children, attending the same schools from elementary to high school, and Ruruka had always wanted that to stay the same.
She didn't want either of her dearest persons to ever leave her side, but in the end, she ended up losing them both, didn't she? And she had no one to blame but herself. It was all her fault. She had been so scared of betrayal, of the ones she loved so dearly betraying her, that she had become the traitor instead of them.
All this time she thought Seiko was the traitor, forcing the blame onto her instead of accepting it. She convinced herself that she was guiltless, that everything was Seiko's fault, but she had been wrong this entire time. All this time, she had been the traitor - something she never wanted to accept until now...no, even now it was something that she didn't want to accept, but she had no other choice.
You're the traitor, Ruruka. It's all your fault. You betrayed us.
It was a harsh truth that she couldn't run away from. It was a battle that she couldn't have someone fight in her stead. For the first time in her life, she could do nothing but accept it.
You caused us to die. Why does a filthy traitor like you deserve to live?
She didn't, did she? Why was she the one left alive when neither of them deserved death...? She was a despicable person who committed terrible actions; she was the one who was truly subhuman. And yet...
Do you want to be forgiven? Do you want us to forgive you?
Yes. Yes she did. She wanted nothing more to be forgiven, to have a second chance, to finally be able to make things right when she couldn't before. She'd do anything...
...Then, you know what you must do.
And she did. The knife had dropped, and without even thinking about her actions, she had gripped it, punctured every part of her body that she possibly could while sobbing out apologies, begging for Izayoi and Seiko to forgive her for betraying them, that she never wanted it to end like this and that she was sorry. It hurt...It hurt so much. She couldn't take the pain, yet she couldn't stop until she earned their forgiveness. That's why she inflicted so many wounds on herself, and yet that was still not enough...so she had choked herself on her candies instead, cutting off her air flow to the point she became lightheaded, and allowed herself to suffer until the figments of her best friends were finally satisfied.
We forgive you, Ruruka. It's okay, come join us. We can be together again just like before.
Her hands were wavering as she pointed the dagger towards her heart, but the next line was all she needed to steel herself.
We can be friends again.
Then, she wound up here. It didn't take a genius to piece together what had happened; she had killed herself, wracked with despair, and those very same feelings were crushing her now. Hearing Seiko tell her that her candy was good...that was all she ever wanted, and yet, she couldn't feel happiness from finally hearing what she had been waiting all along for. They only made her feel worse for how terribly she treated the other girl, for all the cruel things she had said to her face, but she knew what she had to do. She may have repented to the imaginary versions of her friends, but she had yet to make it up to the actual ones.
She didn't know if she would ever get the chance to apologize to Izayoi, but at the very least, she was granted the chance to apologize to Seiko. Perhaps that was the true reason that they both were here - for Seiko to tell her the only thing she had wanted to hear all along, and for Ruruka to tell Seiko something that she should have told her a long time ago: an apology. ] K-Kimura... [ She starts, her voice unusually quiet, before she shakes her head, correcting herself: ] ...No. ...S-Seiko-chan. I...
[ She hesitates, taking a deep breath. She's never shown this degree of vulnerability before to anyone but one person, but she can't back down now. ]
...I-I'm sorry.