[Naturally the reasons behind her words were not what Ruruka was assuming, but for the moment Seiko remained oblivious to just what was going through the others mind at present. Yes she expected the anger and resentment, but for the confectioner to think of her as arrogant regarding the worth of anothers talent, that would have come as a surprise. Even if the complex was one of Ruruka's own making, the idea that she had contributed to it in any way, even through ignorance or misunderstanding would have hit her hard. She wasn't going to claim that she was blameless in this whole mess, but looking back, she could at least say she tried right? That she did everything possible to make it work? She could at least be confident about that, surely?]
[Then again...no. That was wrong. The fact that she was doing something new now, something she didn't try before when it came to mending the cracks in their relationship before they were beyond repair. That proved she hadn't been open enough, hadn't exhausted every effort, why? Because she was scared? She didn't want to be hurt, betrayed again? She was unwilling to risk her feelings lest she fail, this time unable to put herself back together again into a semi functioning human being? She certainly had made little effort to reach too far since then, connect with people on a deeper level of personal trust. Sure she hadn't been mistreated, used, but was she really any better off? How little she knew that despite her insistence to the contrary, she and Ruruka had turned out more alike through the misunderstanding than she would have cared to admit.]
[Really though, was it truly a surprise anymore? It was pretty much a pattern in her life that she had tried and failed to shake, one blunder after another that had ended up costing her and those around her dearly. She didn't combat the sleeping gas immediately, and when they awoke they found Yukizome killed. She hadn't been perceptive enough to have a full working antidote on hand, and for that error Bandai had died. Hell she couldn't even save both dogs that day in the rain! And now, realizing there had been a way she could have reached her former friend back then that could have prevented everything that had transpired between them since, that was another failure she had to add to the tally. All that supposed effort, wasted. People continuing to breath their last around her, how many could she have prevented? She had this talent, but what good was it if she couldn't save everyone with it?!]
[Ruruka had praised it back then, at least respected it enough to know its use. Why else would she keep asking for those favors? And yet despite that people continued to die around her. Clearly the talent should have gone to someone more capable of using it.]
[Well, it was no good to anyone now. It was gone, and so was she, unable to make any difference, good or bad in the world of the living any longer. Still, here there was something she could do, something she had been unable to back then due to her own fear and foolishness. Whatever the result, she would act on it now, because at least it would make some sort of impact, regardless of whether it was positive or negative. At least then she could say she tried everything, and hoped that it was finally enough.]
[Letting the piece of candy roll around the inside of her mouth, she waited a moment before chewing, trying to assess the flavor. Considering how long she had been carrying it around, you'd think it would have gone stale long ago, that all the taste would have drained out out it with time, leaving it as just a blob of dried out sugar and syrup that would cause issues for the pharmacist later when it got stuck in her braces. But no, that wasn't the case. Maybe it was because Seiko had never consumed anything made from the artificial sweetness before and she simply didn't know any better, but...well, to her it was still as she expected, hoped it to be and more, because the feelings of the person who gave it to her had preserved all the wonderful taste within.]
[Needless to say, she wasn't sure what to expect from the other girls reaction. It was good of course that she didn't need to explain, that she too recognized the candy and it's significance. However, she was still caught off guard by the question. True, she had every reason to throw it away, toss it into a beaker of chemicals and watch it dissolve into nothing, stamp it under her heel with scorn, but she never could. Why? There were lengthy explanations, essays worth of words that she could let spill out to try and explain what she had for so many years not entirely understood herself. And yet, looking at Ruruka's face, the wrapper in her hand, all that came to was that last moment, that last thought before she fell into the depths of despair.]
Because...I just wanted to be friends.
[I acknowledge you. I care about you. I trust you.]
[She had to be careful, she was still eating, and didn't wish to waste even a morsel of the tiny confection, ducking her head to try and focus on the taste on her tongue. So this was candy; bubbling, fizzing sweetness that was like a firecracker going off inside your mouth, the sensation making your tastebuds tingle with warmth. It was bright, sparkling, the flavor of pink cheeks, bright eyes and happy smiles. Love, friendship, hope, all in one mouthful, so overwhelming that she felt her chest might burst! Until it all slowly released, coming back through her throat, filling her mouth and nose, and eventually her eyes to the point were they stung and started to leak, just as she lifted her head to give her verdict.]
It's good...[Her voice was choked now, overcome with sugary warmth as her cheeks grew wet as tears flowed freely, her whole body fizzing. And for the first time in a long while, she found the corners of her lips perking up into a smile.] It tastes...really good Ruruka.
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[Then again...no. That was wrong. The fact that she was doing something new now, something she didn't try before when it came to mending the cracks in their relationship before they were beyond repair. That proved she hadn't been open enough, hadn't exhausted every effort, why? Because she was scared? She didn't want to be hurt, betrayed again? She was unwilling to risk her feelings lest she fail, this time unable to put herself back together again into a semi functioning human being? She certainly had made little effort to reach too far since then, connect with people on a deeper level of personal trust. Sure she hadn't been mistreated, used, but was she really any better off? How little she knew that despite her insistence to the contrary, she and Ruruka had turned out more alike through the misunderstanding than she would have cared to admit.]
[Really though, was it truly a surprise anymore? It was pretty much a pattern in her life that she had tried and failed to shake, one blunder after another that had ended up costing her and those around her dearly. She didn't combat the sleeping gas immediately, and when they awoke they found Yukizome killed. She hadn't been perceptive enough to have a full working antidote on hand, and for that error Bandai had died. Hell she couldn't even save both dogs that day in the rain! And now, realizing there had been a way she could have reached her former friend back then that could have prevented everything that had transpired between them since, that was another failure she had to add to the tally. All that supposed effort, wasted. People continuing to breath their last around her, how many could she have prevented? She had this talent, but what good was it if she couldn't save everyone with it?!]
[Ruruka had praised it back then, at least respected it enough to know its use. Why else would she keep asking for those favors? And yet despite that people continued to die around her. Clearly the talent should have gone to someone more capable of using it.]
[Well, it was no good to anyone now. It was gone, and so was she, unable to make any difference, good or bad in the world of the living any longer. Still, here there was something she could do, something she had been unable to back then due to her own fear and foolishness. Whatever the result, she would act on it now, because at least it would make some sort of impact, regardless of whether it was positive or negative. At least then she could say she tried everything, and hoped that it was finally enough.]
[Letting the piece of candy roll around the inside of her mouth, she waited a moment before chewing, trying to assess the flavor. Considering how long she had been carrying it around, you'd think it would have gone stale long ago, that all the taste would have drained out out it with time, leaving it as just a blob of dried out sugar and syrup that would cause issues for the pharmacist later when it got stuck in her braces. But no, that wasn't the case. Maybe it was because Seiko had never consumed anything made from the artificial sweetness before and she simply didn't know any better, but...well, to her it was still as she expected, hoped it to be and more, because the feelings of the person who gave it to her had preserved all the wonderful taste within.]
[Needless to say, she wasn't sure what to expect from the other girls reaction. It was good of course that she didn't need to explain, that she too recognized the candy and it's significance. However, she was still caught off guard by the question. True, she had every reason to throw it away, toss it into a beaker of chemicals and watch it dissolve into nothing, stamp it under her heel with scorn, but she never could. Why? There were lengthy explanations, essays worth of words that she could let spill out to try and explain what she had for so many years not entirely understood herself. And yet, looking at Ruruka's face, the wrapper in her hand, all that came to was that last moment, that last thought before she fell into the depths of despair.]
Because...I just wanted to be friends.
[I acknowledge you. I care about you. I trust you.]
[She had to be careful, she was still eating, and didn't wish to waste even a morsel of the tiny confection, ducking her head to try and focus on the taste on her tongue. So this was candy; bubbling, fizzing sweetness that was like a firecracker going off inside your mouth, the sensation making your tastebuds tingle with warmth. It was bright, sparkling, the flavor of pink cheeks, bright eyes and happy smiles. Love, friendship, hope, all in one mouthful, so overwhelming that she felt her chest might burst! Until it all slowly released, coming back through her throat, filling her mouth and nose, and eventually her eyes to the point were they stung and started to leak, just as she lifted her head to give her verdict.]
It's good...[Her voice was choked now, overcome with sugary warmth as her cheeks grew wet as tears flowed freely, her whole body fizzing. And for the first time in a long while, she found the corners of her lips perking up into a smile.] It tastes...really good Ruruka.